It’s Like The Transporter On A Bike In New York City

Allow me to prognosticate: Premium Rush is going to bomb.

It’s like The Transporter, but it’s about awesome bicycle riding. And you know who likes awesome bike riding? Hipsters. And do you know what kind of movies hipsters like? Foreign language films screened in shabby little single screen cinemas.

This film has too much English in it and, judging by the fact that they’re advertising it during preseason football on ESPN, too much advertising budget and too wide of a release to garner the support of the sort of people who wear their Spanx® on the outside and crush their testicles against hard plastic for hours at a stretch.

(Isn’t that a lot of smack talk from someone who has seen enough of the film Breaking Away to be able to call it to mind instantly? Shaddup.)

What, no attempt at Die Hard on a Bike? C’mon, a tandem bike where the back seat has a terrorist in it and the front seat has Don MacLivane in it? Hey, how about you throw a little Speed in it and they can’t go less than 22 mph or a bomb will blow? And maybe a little Collateral in it where they have to stop every once in a while and kill someone, except that would ruin the Speed bit of it? C’mon, the screenplay writes itself.

UPDATE Thanks for the link, hipcarryster.

Buy My Books!
Buy John Donnelly's Gold Buy The Courtship of Barbara Holt Buy Coffee House Memories