The Cynic Express(ed) 1.10: Weapons of Mass Hysteria

     "Weapons of Mass Destruction!" shriek the headlines on the newspapers and the news magazines. "The United States: Unprepared," intone the news anchors in low, level voices fraught with concerns and colons. With the latest standoff and appeasement ritual with Saddam Hussein, the nation's attention has been drawn, for another fifteen minutes or so, to the dangers posed by chemical and biological weapons (CBW in officialesque acronym) possessed by "mad" former allies and manufacturable by John Q. Conspiracytheory, Jr., in Idaho. By all accounts, the United States is vulnerable not only to a national attack using CBW, but also to little sneak attacks by terrorists.

     Of course, the columnists and network boys everywhere inform us of this with a sober, somewhat condemning tone, but they don't have any suggestions on what the government can do to help cope with the threat of CBW terrorism, what it can do to prevent crackpots and crackpans everywhere from illustrating the righteousness of their cause with copious numbers of American bodies. I, of course, will go out on a limb and present a few steps toward a governmental solution to America's unreadiness.

1. Expel all foreigners from American soil. It's obvious that one of the greatest terrorist threats to American is posed by foreigners in America. Simply by putting them on boats and planes back to their native lands will snuff this threat.
2. Round up all the people suspected of having political or religious ideals and make them register as such. That way authoritarians, er, authorities will be able to look into suspects' activities without having to distinguish them from the apathetic majority of Americans. Authorities can also authorize random searches of random believers' homes and random believers themselves to make sure that they are not about to take a violent and random stand.
3. Institute a set of internal checkpoints, barricades across the interstates. Make it possible for police to search every vehicle entering a populated area. Not only that, but they would also be able to keep track of what cars went where, especially those pesky Ryder moving vans, or, more importantly in our excuse, er, scenario, tankers capable of driving Armageddon around on the highways, singing old Merle Haggard songs from the radio as terrorists prepare to rain fire and brimstone and body parts down on their particular flavor of infidel or heretic.
4. Declare Martial Law. Why not skip straight to the climax? Mandatory curfews, papers, the whole nine yards--or six feet under as the case may be?

     Okay, that expressive cynic has gone off on his hyperactive hyperbole again.

     My point is that America is always going to be vulnerable to terrorist threats from inside and abroad as long as we remain a free and open society. Part of America's strength as a society is that we can come and go as we please, and be as outspoken and fundamental as we would like. We can grow our hair and our beards, be swarthy and furtive, without the threat of serious reprisal (although a small amount of inconvenience, especially when looking furtive and given the once-over by local authorities, is inevitable). Which means that someone with a pound of anthrax could conceivably cause mayhem. I would rather live with that chance than certain security with no freedom.

     America's free and open society is vulnerable to another threat in these days of WMD (weapons of mass destruction for those of whom who have seen fit, perhaps wisely, to not pay attention to the hysterical media in the last few weeks): those who would impose new "law and order" measures to prevent the potential terrorist attack and limit the freedom for the rest of us in the process. Punishing the innocent is not the price I would pay for security.

     Okay, Mr. Cynic, what can we do about the threat, then, if not impose order from above? Be vigilant. If I see someone open a jar and leave it on a sill near an intake vents to a government building, you can bet I will report it immediately, if not do something gung-ho like tackling the swarthy and furtive-looking fellow who left it there. Sponsor the Red Cross and urge it to include CBW threats as part of its disaster response. Urge your local fire department and emergency response teams to consider their roles. Sponsor research to find antidotes and other means to make CB weaponry obsolete. Vaccinate children against smallpox. Lots of little things, and they require initiative and effort on the part of the populace. And, most importantly and most difficultly, they require people keep their heads instead of shrieking and act instead of falling into paralysis, prey to all threats to a free society.