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Air Care Reform
There is a troubling fact in the United States today, one that has
been receiving too little attention in the media to this point, and
our future happiness and cohesiveness as a civilized society hinges
upon the resolution of this too-often ignored problem. Did you know
that more than thirty seven million Americans that do not have the
ability to afford quality air travel? It probably didn't even cross
your mind before now, and this ignorance is the root of the problem.
The obvious solution is, of course, to nationalize the air travel
industry. In those evil days under the Republican administration of
that arch-fiend Ronald Reagan, we saw the government pull itself back
from the airlines through deregulation. Sure, this laissez faire
approach lowered rates and made the service more competitive, but it
did little to ease the burden of air travel costs to those who could
not afford it and had to take that wonderful example of government
controlled promptness, Amtrak.
Now under my plan that I am unveiling, even cooking up, before your
very eyes, every one would receive the air travel they needed. All
it would take is contributions from those who can pay, say a special
tax for national air care, er, I meant of course a subscription to
some sort of vague air care co-op. That way everyone could pay in,
and those who need it could take out. From each according to his
ability to each according to his need. Or something. Under the
helpful guidance of The State, which we know would do everything in
the most cost effective manner and would not pay inflated costs for
normal surgical implements or hardware, the plan would flourish, and
we would see our nation of qualified doctors reach new heights of
optimism and motivation like their brothers and sisters in the post
office.
I know some critics of this plan will term it a gross exaggeration
and will hurry to point out that air care is not a necessity. Well,
the Constitution of this great land does secure the rights to life,
liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Health care socialization
proponents might argue that health is a part of life, and that it is
included in the right to life.
Well, if my happiness is to be found in a tropical paradise like
Hawaii, well, then a plane ticket to Hawaii is inherent in my right
to the pursuit of happiness. It is included in the right to the
pursuit of happiness, you see.
I know, some of you, particularly the ones with common sense, are
saying that there is a difference between the right to something and
having it provided to you on a silver platter with a little sprig of
parsley by the federal government, or that funding spent on helping
the needy should come from private, voluntary sources instead the
government forcing the rest of the country, including those not too
many steps above the needy, to do the "good." I can only appeal to
your sense of duty to others that you have never seen before and who
probably won't feel too much gratitude anyway, after all, it is their
right to health care or first class seats on the next jet to Florida
at your expense. It's right there in the Declaration of Independence.
Look it up.
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