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Cynically Quoted

Air Care Reform


     There is a troubling fact in the United States today, one that has been receiving too little attention in the media to this point, and our future happiness and cohesiveness as a civilized society hinges upon the resolution of this too-often ignored problem. Did you know that more than thirty seven million Americans that do not have the ability to afford quality air travel? It probably didn't even cross your mind before now, and this ignorance is the root of the problem.

     The obvious solution is, of course, to nationalize the air travel industry. In those evil days under the Republican administration of that arch-fiend Ronald Reagan, we saw the government pull itself back from the airlines through deregulation. Sure, this laissez faire approach lowered rates and made the service more competitive, but it did little to ease the burden of air travel costs to those who could not afford it and had to take that wonderful example of government controlled promptness, Amtrak.

     Now under my plan that I am unveiling, even cooking up, before your very eyes, every one would receive the air travel they needed. All it would take is contributions from those who can pay, say a special tax for national air care, er, I meant of course a subscription to some sort of vague air care co-op. That way everyone could pay in, and those who need it could take out. From each according to his ability to each according to his need. Or something. Under the helpful guidance of The State, which we know would do everything in the most cost effective manner and would not pay inflated costs for normal surgical implements or hardware, the plan would flourish, and we would see our nation of qualified doctors reach new heights of optimism and motivation like their brothers and sisters in the post office.

     I know some critics of this plan will term it a gross exaggeration and will hurry to point out that air care is not a necessity. Well, the Constitution of this great land does secure the rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Health care socialization proponents might argue that health is a part of life, and that it is included in the right to life.

     Well, if my happiness is to be found in a tropical paradise like Hawaii, well, then a plane ticket to Hawaii is inherent in my right to the pursuit of happiness. It is included in the right to the pursuit of happiness, you see.

     I know, some of you, particularly the ones with common sense, are saying that there is a difference between the right to something and having it provided to you on a silver platter with a little sprig of parsley by the federal government, or that funding spent on helping the needy should come from private, voluntary sources instead the government forcing the rest of the country, including those not too many steps above the needy, to do the "good." I can only appeal to your sense of duty to others that you have never seen before and who probably won't feel too much gratitude anyway, after all, it is their right to health care or first class seats on the next jet to Florida at your expense. It's right there in the Declaration of Independence. Look it up.