{"id":8954,"date":"2011-02-06T13:52:30","date_gmt":"2011-02-06T19:52:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/?p=8954"},"modified":"2011-02-07T20:03:46","modified_gmt":"2011-02-08T02:03:46","slug":"baking-with-brian-j","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/2011\/02\/06\/baking-with-brian-j\/","title":{"rendered":"Baking with Brian J."},"content":{"rendered":"<p>As some of you know, I&#8217;ve taken to baking some sweet breads these days, mostly because when life gives you zucchini (and by &#8220;gives you,&#8221; I mean overruns your yard and threatens to crush your silly brick home, mortal), you make zucchini bread.  But after the zucchini ran out after a successful rogue insect team insertion, I decided to try some other breads and a couple of pies.  That said, I&#8217;m no Cunegonde because I&#8217;m not that pretty.<\/p>\n<p>Recipes and cook books sure have a lot of different verbs in them, don&#8217;t they?  The authors use the mandate tense and order me to do a lot of different things to the poor ingredients, but I am a simple man, with a simple Oster hand mixer that goes to six.  As such, whatever the verb in the recipe, seriously, they can&#8217;t mean anything but &#8220;Mix at 6,&#8221; can they?<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><em>Cream the eggs and butter?<\/em>  Set the mixer to six.<\/li>\n<li><em>Fold the nuts into the batter?<\/em>  Set the mixer to six.<\/li>\n<li><em>Combine the flour and spices?<\/em>  Put on a dust mask and set the mixer to six.<\/li>\n<li><em>Chop the walnuts?<\/em>  Set the mixer to six and chase them around the bowl until they&#8217;re small.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I mean, seriously, can we lose the thesaurus here and just admit that there&#8217;s nothing to it?<\/p>\n<p>Also, what&#8217;s up with the order of combining things?  Just pour it in the bowl and mix it at six.<\/p>\n<p>Everyone remains polite when accepting the breads, anyway.  <em>Because they fear the creepy man with the mixer with the long extension cord.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As some of you know, I&#8217;ve taken to baking some sweet breads these days, mostly because when life gives you zucchini (and by &#8220;gives you,&#8221; I mean overruns your yard and threatens to crush your silly brick home, mortal), you make zucchini bread. But after the zucchini ran out after a successful rogue insect team [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3334,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8954","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8954","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3334"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8954"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8954\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8961,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8954\/revisions\/8961"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8954"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8954"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8954"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}