{"id":3919,"date":"2007-07-31T14:34:00","date_gmt":"2007-07-31T14:34:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/?p=3919"},"modified":"2014-03-13T05:24:18","modified_gmt":"2014-03-13T10:24:18","slug":"ask-dr-creepy-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/2007\/07\/31\/ask-dr-creepy-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Ask Dr. Creepy"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.brianjnoggle.com\/bsgfx\/ton1.jpg\" alt=\"Dr. Creepy\" align=\"right\" hspace=\"6\" vspace=\"3\" width=\"100\"><br \/>\n<b><i>Dear Doctor Creepy,<\/i><\/b><i><br \/>\nI&#8217;ve always enjoyed the privilege of being the creepy guy at work, which has meant fewer interruptions of a personal nature and less interaction with my annoying co-workers.  However, the company has recently hired another fellow whose creepiness apparently is novel enough that I&#8217;m more normal by comparison.  This means people are starting to stop by my desk to chat and are starting to invite me to lunches and happy hours.  How can I regain my creepiness crown and enjoy merciful ostracization?<\/p>\n<p>Signed,<br \/>\nNot Creepiest<\/i><\/p>\n<p><b>Dear Not Creepiest,<\/b><br \/>\nAs you well know, creepiness can come in a potion form, so look around the new creepiest person&#8217;s desk to see if it&#8217;s in a phial on the desk or in the drawers.  If not, check the person&#8217;s lunch in the refrigerator; if it has mayonnaise upon it, know that this often masks a creepiness potion, and you should lick the mayonnaise off of the target&#8217;s sandwich (reassembling it afterwards, of course, to cover your tracks).  This will give you the benefit of the elixir and deprive the target of its power.<\/p>\n<p>Additionally, to improve your creepiness, remember the power of the mystical chant; this focuses your energy and <i>chree<\/i>, the mystical power of discordance that manifests itself as creepiness.  I cannot tell you what mystical phrase works for you, but I&#8217;d recommend some simple, rhyming chant, perhaps even a nursery rhyme.  You should chant this phrase to yourself whenever you&#8217;re alone at your desk, in an elevator, or in the men&#8217;s room (this works especially well for women).  Remember, you can generate some kinetic motion from your chakras by rocking slightly as you chant.  Try it now!<\/p>\n<p>Finally, remember eye contact is key in communications.  That is, you should never make it.  Or you should stare.  Don&#8217;t do what the straights do, which is break eye contact every once in a while for comfort and then look into someone&#8217;s eyes.  Overdo it or don&#8217;t do it, that&#8217;s my motto.<\/p>\n<p>But if you&#8217;re going to chant a nursery rhyme, do make the eye contact.<\/p>\n<p>Sincerely,<br \/>\nDr. Creepy<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dear Doctor Creepy, I&#8217;ve always enjoyed the privilege of being the creepy guy at work, which has meant fewer interruptions of a personal nature and less interaction with my annoying co-workers. However, the company has recently hired another fellow whose creepiness apparently is novel enough that I&#8217;m more normal by comparison. This means people are [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3334,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3919","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3919","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3334"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3919"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3919\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13345,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3919\/revisions\/13345"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3919"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3919"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3919"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}