{"id":30249,"date":"2022-08-27T08:16:28","date_gmt":"2022-08-27T13:16:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/?p=30249"},"modified":"2022-08-26T16:25:02","modified_gmt":"2022-08-26T21:25:02","slug":"man-test","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/2022\/08\/27\/man-test\/","title":{"rendered":"Man Test"},"content":{"rendered":"

Animal reposts<\/a> his man test. Scoring is one point per right answer. I have bolded points I scored:<\/p>\n

\n

Personal Hygiene
\n1. I use soap in the shower. A bar of soap.<\/b> (Not a whole bar per shower. Also, I want a bonus point for cold showers.)
\n2. I do not use body washes.<\/b>
\n3. I do not trim or pluck my eyebrows.<\/b>
\n4. I do not get manicures.<\/b>
\n5. I do not put any lotions, oils, balms or creams on my body unless there is some purpose either medicinal or sexual.<\/b>
\n6. I have a \u201chaircut,\u201d not a \u201chair style.\u201d<\/b>
\n7. I can wash my hair with soap and a washcloth.<\/b> (Okay, I don’t have enough to require a washcloth, and TBH I have been using the last of the children’s Spider-Man shampoo because they’re to Grown Up to use kid’s shampoo, but generally it’s soap. And I shave with soap.)
\n8. I do not wear cologne. Perfume is for girls. Aftershave is acceptable, as long as it\u2019s Old Spice. (I am onto my second lifetime bottle<\/a>.)<\/b>
\n9. I can go from \u2018asleep\u2019 to \u2018ready to leave for work\/movie\/date\u2019 in under fifteen minutes.<\/b> (Or triathlons or the airport.)<\/p>\n

Personal Style
\n10. I own a pair of cowboy boots or engineer boots.<\/b> (Counting work boots.)
\n11. I own more than one pair of cowboy boots and\/or engineer boots.
\n12. I own a cowboy hat.
\n13. I own more than one cowboy hat. (More than one fedora and Panama hat, though.)
\n14. I own more than one cap with a logo from either a car company, heavy equipment manufacturer, or an agricultural supplier. (Only one John Deere hat, but several NRA hats–I would rather this count as well.)
\n15. I do not use an umbrella. If it rains, I have caps and hats.<\/b>
\n16. I know the difference between a cap and a hat.<\/b>
\n17. I own a leather jacket.
\n18. I own a black leather jacket.
\n19. I have scars.<\/b>
\n20. I have scars that I brag about. (Most were the result of dumb mistakes, so nah.)
\n21. I have scars from gunshot wounds.
\n22. I carry a pocketknife.<\/b>
\n23. I hang stuff on my belt. (I have been known to, but I do not frequently.)<\/p>\n

Driving
\n24. I can drive a manual transmission.<\/b>
\n25. I can drive a motorcycle.
\n26. I can drive a commercial truck.
\n27. I can operate almost any vehicle on two, four or more wheels, from a motorbike to a five-ton truck.
\n28. I can operate tracked machinery (i.e. Caterpillar.)
\n29. I can operate a light airplane.
\n30. I own a truck. (I used to, but now it’s strictly SUVs at Nogglestead, and SUVs are just tall sedans.)
\n31. I own a four-wheel drive truck.
\n32. My truck has branch scrapes and rock chips. Lots of them. (My old pickup was scratched up a bunch.)
\n33. I carry jumper cables in my truck.<\/b> (And almost complete toolboxes, and one has a compressor\/jumper kit.)
\n34. I carry a high-lift jack in my truck.
\n35. I carry a tow strap in my truck.
\n36. I carry an axe in my truck.
\n37. I carry a gun in my truck.<\/p>\n

Outdoors
\n38. I can navigate with map and compass.<\/b> (Well, probably.)
\n39. I can navigate by orienteering.
\n40. I can run a chainsaw.<\/b> (Starting it is another manner–I am not the best with small engines. Perhaps I should deduct a point.)
\n41. I can start a fire without match or lighter.
\n42. I am proficient with a pistol<\/b> (Not sure what ‘proficient’ means, but I hit the target near the center most of the time.)
\n43. I am proficient with a rifle.<\/b> (Ditto.)
\n44. I am proficient with a shotgun. (I have not shot one much, and never at something on the wing, but when I was shooting at a can on the ground in a quarry with my old man when I was a kid, I kept missing.)
\n45. I can make improvised traps.<\/b>
\n46. I can capture, kill, prepare and cook wildlife.
\n47. I can catch fish with purchased fishing tackle.<\/b> (Although not recently.)
\n48. I can catch fish with fishing tackle improvised from materials obtained in the wild.<\/b> (Well, I could try to noodle if I had to.)
\n49. I can build an improvised shelter with materials obtained in the wild.<\/b><\/p>\n

Entertainment
\n50. I do not see \u201cchick\u201d movies unless there is a chance that I might get sex afterwards by so doing.
\n51. John Wayne is, very nearly, a deity.<\/b>
\n52. I love Westerns. Especially John Wayne Westerns.<\/b>
\n53. I enjoy movies that feature:
\n\u2022 Hot vampire chicks in black leather.
\n\u2022 Hot any kind of chicks in black leather.
\n\u2022 Hot any kind of chicks.
\n\u2022 Killer androids.
\n\u2022 Killer aliens.
\n\u2022 Zombies.
\n\u2022 Hot vampire android alien zombie chicks in black leather.
\n54. Tom Cruise is the result of a Communist plot to demoralize America by subjecting us to crappy acting.<\/p>\n

Food
\n55. Vegetarian, my ass. Give me a steak.<\/b>
\n56. The four major food groups are: Steak, pizza, beer and cheeseburgers.<\/b>
\n57. Real men eat any damn thing they want.<\/b>
\n58. I love bacon with near-religious passion.
\n59. All foods should be served with home fries and\/or corn bread.
\n60. Everything\u2019s better with Tabasco.<\/p>\n

Scoring:
\nTotal up the number of question you can honestly answer \u201cyes.\u201d
\n55+ \u2013 You\u2019re a manly man in the manliest form.
\n50+ \u2013 Your testosterone level is normal, but you\u2019re not blowing up anyone\u2019s skirts.
\n< 50 \u2013 Oh, for crying out loud, cowboy up already.\n\n\n\n

\n

I started out so strong, but in the end, I got 29 of 60, although perhaps as high as 31 or 32 with asterisks (I mean, I haven’t driven tracked equipment or a skid steer, but I have a zero turn radius lawn mower, and the concept is the same).<\/p>\n

But, ya know, probably the best a city boy with an English degree could hope for. About the same as I scored on the Heinlein<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Animal reposts his man test. Scoring is one point per right answer. I have bolded points I scored: Personal Hygiene 1. I use soap in the shower. A bar of soap. (Not a whole bar per shower. Also, I want a bonus point for cold showers.) 2. I do not use body washes. 3. I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3334,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-30249","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30249","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3334"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=30249"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30249\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":30253,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30249\/revisions\/30253"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=30249"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=30249"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=30249"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}