{"id":280,"date":"2003-09-15T00:45:00","date_gmt":"2003-09-15T00:45:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/?p=280"},"modified":"2018-08-03T12:03:47","modified_gmt":"2018-08-03T17:03:47","slug":"280","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/2003\/09\/15\/280\/","title":{"rendered":"Improved Hockey Nicknames, Cheap"},"content":{"rendered":"

In today’s St. Louis Post-Dispatch<\/i>, columnist Dan O’Neill, who once deservedly got raked over the coals (deservedly so) for getting several St. Louis Blues players’ names wrong when he covered them (probably while intoxicated), pens a laundry list of hockey nicknames<\/a> and calls it a column.<\/p>\n

I have to admit, I’ve always thought most hockey nicknames were kinda boring. Jamal “Jammer” Mayers? Tyson “Nasher” Nash? Tony “Twister” Twist? Come on, where’s the creativity<\/i>, the poetry<\/i>?<\/p>\n

So ever since I have been a Blues fan, I’ve applied my own nicknames to the players, from afar, of course, since some of those gentlemen are bigger than I am. So hear they are, for your enjoyment:<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
Last year’s crew:<\/td valign=\"top\"><\/tr>\n
Player<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nNickname<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nReason<\/font><\/b><\/tr>\n
Eric Boguniecki<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nBug-on-the-windshield<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nHe’s a little guy, and sometimes when he throws a check on a bigger player, he looks
\n like one.<\/font><\/b><\/tr>\n
Petr Cajanek<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nBionic<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nRhymes, almost, with Cajanek.<\/font><\/b><\/tr>\n
Dallas Drake<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nDucky<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nA drake’s a male duck. Must I draw a picture?<\/font><\/b><\/tr>\n
Reed Low<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nBeaver<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nHe has a prominent overbite. Don’t tell him I said so.<\/font><\/b><\/tr>\n
Steve Martins<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nHarvard<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nHe went there.<\/font><\/b><\/tr>\n
Jamal Mayers<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nGunboat<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nTough and fast.<\/font><\/b><\/tr>\n
Scott Mellanby<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nHawk<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nMellanby<\/a>, especially when he’s got his helmet on, looks like the guy from
\n Buck Rogers
\n in the 25th Century<\/a>.<\/font><\/b><\/tr>\n
Keith Tkachuk<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nKa-Ching!<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nHe makes a lot of money.<\/font><\/b><\/tr>\n
Barret Jackman<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nBert<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nHeavy brows, high forehead, who else could it be?<\/font><\/b><\/tr>\n
Alexander Khavonov<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nNever<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nNever Khavanov. Come on, it sounds cool.<\/font><\/b><\/tr>\n
Chris Pronger<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nCap’n Happy<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nGrant Fuhr started it.<\/font><\/b><\/tr>\n
Bryce Salvador<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nKermit<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nHe looks kinda like Kermit the Frog.<\/font><\/b><\/tr>\n
Brent Johnson<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nBig<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nRoman Turek was “Large.”<\/font><\/b><\/tr>\n
Old friends:<\/td valign=\"top\"><\/tr>\n
Scott Young<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nWalleye<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nTelevision cameras often caught him gasping and with an eye on the jumbotron, making
\n him look like a fish.<\/font><\/b><\/tr>\n
Scott Pellerin<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nDroopy<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nHe looks kinda droopy, even when he smiles.<\/font><\/b><\/tr>\n
Tyson Nash<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nPinball<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nHis playing style was to crash from one opponent to the next.<\/font><\/b><\/tr>\n
Michal Handzus<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nThe Zusinator<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nThe guy was a machine, and he never smiled.<\/font><\/b><\/tr>\n
Lubos Bartecko<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nThe Wolf<\/font><\/b><\/p>\nLubos is kinda like lupus, which…. ah, screw it, it’s too scholarly to
\n explain.<\/font><\/b><\/tr>\n<\/table>\n

Aren’t those much cooler than what the hockey players themselves use? Perhaps the NHLPA can hire me as an official Alternate Collquial Designation Originator or something.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In today’s St. Louis Post-Dispatch, columnist Dan O’Neill, who once deservedly got raked over the coals (deservedly so) for getting several St. Louis Blues players’ names wrong when he covered them (probably while intoxicated), pens a laundry list of hockey nicknames and calls it a column. I have to admit, I’ve always thought most hockey […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3334,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[31],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-280","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sports"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/280","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3334"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=280"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/280\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":21739,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/280\/revisions\/21739"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=280"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=280"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=280"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}