{"id":13367,"date":"2014-03-24T09:38:36","date_gmt":"2014-03-24T14:38:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/?p=13367"},"modified":"2016-08-28T19:32:29","modified_gmt":"2016-08-29T00:32:29","slug":"a-gift-for-one-day-mortification-for-a-lifetime","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/2014\/03\/24\/a-gift-for-one-day-mortification-for-a-lifetime\/","title":{"rendered":"A Gift for One Day, Mortification for a Lifetime"},"content":{"rendered":"

How to mortify your beautiful wife into perpetuity in easy steps:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Comment for a year that you’re thinking about getting a new suit since you haven’t owned one in fifteen years, since you got that one for $5 at a flea market but ruined it by getting grease all over the back of the jacket while helping prepare the hall for the wedding reception of your then beautiful girlfriend’s friends.
     <\/li>\n
  2. Receive a gift card for a men’s clothier for your birthday.
     <\/li>\n
  3. Pick out a tasteful suit, and by “pick out,” I mean let the salesman do it for you. For an extra charge, they will actually put animal tags in them for you.
     <\/li>\n
  4. Match up the tigers on Sunday morning.
     <\/li>\n
  5. Tell everyone that you came to church in your birthday suit.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    This will never, ever get old.<\/p>\n

    To me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    How to mortify your beautiful wife into perpetuity in easy steps: Comment for a year that you’re thinking about getting a new suit since you haven’t owned one in fifteen years, since you got that one for $5 at a flea market but ruined it by getting grease all over the back of the jacket […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3334,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13367","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13367","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3334"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13367"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13367\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13369,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13367\/revisions\/13369"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13367"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13367"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brianjnoggle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13367"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}