Now In Thrown Drink Version

Drops of Jupiter in her hair?

Now available when you dramatically throw this wine at someone!

And, honestly, as the Red Blend tastes like slightly sweet alcoholic prune juice, this is a drink for throwing.

For the record, Save Me, San Francisco winery is Train’s winery that donates to a San Francisco charity. All of the wines are named after Train songs. Also, I like Train.

Man, I have to stop buying novelty wines.

Bad Fortune

Apparently, Miller has some sort of beer called Fortune. Whose branding is a single Spade:

Miller's Mis Fortune

A single spade.

Like the Ace of Spades.

As anyone who knows anything about fortune telling could tell you, the Ace of Spades card means misfortune or death.

I’m getting awfully damn curmudgeonly, but I loudly suspect our younger generation is even getting educated poorly in superstitions and pseudo-science.

All Alone In The Middle Of A Venn Diagram

Last night, my beautiful wife and I went to the wine shop.

What did I get? What television told me to.

Downton Dynasty and Duck Abbey wines

You know the target markets for these two products do not generally overlap. Or do they?

Fun Science Fact: These bottles actually repel each other like magnets.

UPDATE: As I clarify in the comments:

I said like magnets because I was being all Bill Nyey and dumbing it down for the lay people. The actual force in play is disdainetic force, and it’s only present in the Downton Abbey wine. The disdainetic force does not repel; instead, it is repelled. The Downton Abbey wine is repelled by the Duck Dynasty Commander wine bottle and wants to move away from it. The Duck Commander wine has no disdainetic repulsion in it and does not care what other wine bottles are nearby.

A Name For Men, A Cutesy Picture For The Ladies

Book coverPredator wine. It’s got a name that sounds like a Schwarzenegger movie, a name that speaks of a hunter stalking its prey and feasting on the warm, uncooked meat of a fresh kill.

And then it’s got a cutesy little lady bug logo underneath it. Something that looks like the little tattoo a middle-aged woman gets on her shoulder during her mid-life crisis (or in her .375 life crisis at 30). I remember when table wines were proliferating, and all of a sudden we went from Mad Dog to a bunch of cutesy kangaroos and penguins on labels. Women could feel safe cuddling with those bottles of wine.

So now we have this fusion: A wine with a name strong enough for a man, but a logo made for a woman. Something a couple can share, with all the marketing necessary to lure in casual retail wine browsers.

Also, note that it is the only Zin I have ever drunk that has an undercurrent of barbecue.

Yes, I know, technically speaking, a ladybug is a predator that eats aphids. I have a garden, you know. DWL! The vineyard’s Web site even explains it for those who don’t. But, really, when you hear predator, do you think ladybug?

Saturday Morning Musings

As it’s the beginning of the first weekend of a vacation, and a warm, clear summer day, a young man’s thoughts and stirrings within his heart naturally awaken his yearning to embrace his most sacred love: beer.

Cripes, I am sleeping on the couch tonight for that intro, I know.

So think upon these things, friends:

  • While discussing free trade or something important in the New York Times, Virginia Postrel points out:

    “The U.S. used to import coffee from around 25 countries,” says David E. Weinstein, an economist at Columbia University. “Now we import it from 52 countries. Beer we import from three times more countries than we used to.

    Viva laissez-faire, if you can still pronounce it this late in the day.

  • Via Fark, we see this little story: Ain’t the beer classy:

    At Detroit’s four-star Opus One last month, eager diners paid $55 apiece for an evening of fine food with fine libations. Six bulbous wineglasses stood by their plates. Waiters waltzed by and poured from . . . pitchers of beer? Indeed, dinner began with a cold shrimp and crab crostini, served with an English mild ale, and ended with caramel cappuccino cheesecake, accompanied by a British favorite, dry stout.

    Beer wants to be the next wine. Not the boys at Budweiser but local brewers. These beer artisans will never be able to compete with Bud at football games. But they might stand a chance as an alternative to wine with dinner.

Call me a traditionalist, but beer really only truly augments three meals: wings, pizza, and chicken. Granted, it goes well with anything, or nothing, but if you were to ask me, “Brian, what beer goes best with brined chicken with cilantro garnish?” I would answer, “Lots.”

Public Service Announcement Regarding Beer

As some of you know, my esteemed spouse has become something of a fitness/nutrition, er, expert (I was going to say “nut” but Heather has educated me that nuts contain a lot of fat, and she does not, so “expert” it is).

Since she’s gotten into this “way of life” (insanity), we’ve started visiting the local Whole Foods Market, which sells wheat and fiber; wheat, tofu and fiber; wheat and soy; wheat, fiber and soy; wheat, fiber, tofu and soy; soy, fiber, tofu and soy; soy, wheat, soy, soy, fiber and soy; soy, tofu, soy, soy, soy, fiber, soy, tomato and soy; soy, soy, soy, wheat and soy; soy, soy, soy, soy, soy, soy, baked beans, soy, soy, soy and soy.

When we hit the antique food aisle (you know, expensive, authentic junk food), I found King Lager, a product of Australia, and certainly something of which our Australian friends cannot be too proud. Of course, I did not know that then, so I bought a six pack of it. I figured, of course, since it was in a health food store, it must be good for me.

I should have known you cannot brew granola.

Now, I have been known to enjoy some darker, heavier beers (Guinness Draught, London Porter, and some others), but this King Lager is like drinking wheat soup.

Sorry, guys, I have not slipped into the home brewing hell, so when the texture varies between sips, I have to wonder about the sanitary conditions of the brewery. Do the organic and natural designation cut-off point come before or after Louis Pasteur? Is that prime Australian hopps, or could it be wallaby tail?

On the bright side, my bones are stonger and I have a nice, shiny coat on my head (what remains).

Regardless, I am sticking to Guinness Draught. There are no snakes in Ireland!