I’d been suffering from low energy levels and a bad mood, and I asked my doctor about it.
“Do you have children?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said.
“Do you order and eat a lot of cheese pizzas?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
It turns out I was suffering from low T, low Toppings.
The doctor gave me a prescription for a pizza with all the toppings, including pepperoni, sausage, green peppers, onions, olives, and bacon. With regular consumption of pizza suitable for a man, I feel great! My energy level is higher, I can lift the back ends of small cars (although not Priuses because of the extra weight of the battery), and an increased drive to talk about pizza with lots of toppings. Additionally, my beautiful wife has noticed a change in me: my breath after eating a T-laden pizza contains elements of the aforementioned ingredients.
So if you suffer from low T, do what I did: order a deluxe 4 meat pizza. Make sure the total for the pizza with all toppings comes to at least 20 bucks.
Ordering a T-laden pizza is not for everyone. Do not feed a T-laden pizza to your baby if you’re breastfeeding. Do not drink alcohol with INXS when eating a T-laden pizza. A choice of pizza toppings is important and should not be decided by advertising or wry blog posts. Pineapple does not count as a T-laden topping. Standard restrictions apply. Jeez, what kind of advertising am I going to see on the Internet now that I’ve searched for low T and AndroGel on the Internet to shape this bit of satire? For Pete’s sake, the government is going to put this in my permanent electronic health record over a JOKE! Wait, let me point my supposedly turned off Web camera at the floor where I’ll do some pushups to show I’m really okay. No, please, nobody wants to see me TURN IT UP.
