Who’s The Big Athlete?

Yesterday, my beautiful wife participated in the running portion of the Turkey Trot and ran five kilometers, which are Canadian miles, and she did this without stopping, sobbing, or being chased.

Whereas I cross-trained the five kilAH!meters with a five-year-old and a seven-year-old. How do you cross-train a 5K, you ask? Well, I:

  • Walked fast a couple hundred meters.
  • Ran a few hundred meters.
  • Walked real slow a couple hundred meters.
  • Repeated this cycle at intervals throughout.
  • Swiveled my head 180 degrees Linda Blair style to keep in sight a sprinter and a dawdler.
  • Carried 50 pounds for a kilometer because it was too tired to walk.
  • Put down the 50 pounds when it saw the finish line and wanted to run across it.
  • Helped up the 50 pounds who ran through the finish gate with its arms raised triumphantly and promptly tripped over the finish line–or at least the timing mat across the finish line.

I ask you, gentle reader, who got the better workout?

2 Responses to “Who’s The Big Athlete?”

  1. John Farrier Says:

    That’s excellent zombie apocalypse training.

  2. Brian Says:

    It’s good training, period.

    Strangely enough, when did “getting exercise” become “training”? A lot of athletes are training instead of just exercising. I feel an Andy Rooney moment coming on.