St. Louis Public Schools: Past Farce

I felt a great disturbance in the language, as if millions of grammarians suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.


Back 2 School

I don’t know what’s worse: that the St. Louis City public schools have to advertise so heavily to remind their apathetic student body to please, return at least the first couple of days so we can count you as enrolled when it comes time to get the state and federal funding.

No, what’s worse is that the city schools in St. Louis have officially elevated 2 to preposition status. I mean, for cryssake, if the schools are going to write like that, how do they expect their students to do better?

Maybe they just don’t.

Good luck continuing to pretend to be a viable, meaningful institution. See also reason #8922 why Brian never considered moving to the city when looking for a new home.

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Psycho Hitchhikers Go Berserk

Hitchhiker: You heard of this thing, the 8-Minute Abs?
Ted: Yeah, sure, 8-Minute Abs. Yeah, the excercise video.
Hitchhiker: Yeah, this is going to blow that right out of the water. Listen to this: 7… Minute… Abs.
Ted: Right. Yes. OK, all right. I see where you’re going.
Hitchhiker: Think about it. You walk into a video store, you see 8-Minute Abs sittin’ there, there’s 7-Minute Abs right beside it. Which one are you gonna pick, man?
Ted: I would go for the 7.
Hitchhiker: Bingo, man, bingo. 7-Minute Abs. And we guarantee just as good a workout as the 8-minute folk.
Ted: You guarantee it? That’s – how do you do that?
Hitchhiker: If you’re not happy with the first 7 minutes, we’re gonna send you the extra minute free. You see? That’s it. That’s our motto. That’s where we’re comin’ from. That’s from “A” to “B”.
Ted: That’s right. That’s – that’s good. That’s good. Unless, of course, somebody comes up with 6-Minute Abs. Then you’re in trouble, huh?
[Hitchhiker convulses]
Hitchhiker: No! No, no, not 6! I said 7. Nobody’s comin’ up with 6. Who works out in 6 minutes? You won’t even get your heart goin, not even a mouse on a wheel.
Ted: That – good point.
Hitchhiker: 7’s the key number here. Think about it. 7-Elevens. 7 doors. 7, man, that’s the number. 7 chipmunks twirlin’ on a branch, eatin’ lots of sunflowers on my uncle’s ranch. You know that old children’s tale from the sea. It’s like you’re dreamin’ about Gorgonzola cheese when it’s clearly Brie time, baby.

Well, it’s close.

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Book Report: How to Break Software Security by James A. Whittaker and Herbert H. Thompson (2003)

After I read How to Break Software (which a quick Google check indicates I have not reviewed, gentle reader, but most of you wouldn’t have read it anyway), I bought the companion volumes. This book, which I bought off of Amazon.com at its retail price, disappointed me where How to Break Software did not.

Both books run off of a quick list of fault-model testing (a term I learned from the first book). I had a ball with the first book, laughing at seeing some of my favorite dirty tricks encapsulated in someone definitive’s book. This book, however, didn’t hold the same glee for me.

The first book dealt with a broad subject and offered some very concrete things to try to attack software. This second book deals with a similarly broad subject (security testing), but is more abstract. The attacks it discusses aren’t as narrow and easy to recreate; they’re more methods and abstract ideas to try rather than concrete shortcuts to finding issues. I know, there’s something to be said for a broad, ranging methodology, but the first book wasn’t that way, and I didn’t expect this one to be that way. Additionally, the book is sized similarly to the first, which doesn’t allow it to go into a lot of detail for each of the abstract things it talks about.

Finally, I don’t know that the book focuses enough on actual security attacks; rather, it focuses on attacks that could be construed as security breaches. However, in many cases, they’re not specifically security attacks, but rather regular tests that could, if applied to applications needing security, be security attacks.

Maybe that’s all security testing is, but this book wasn’t different enough from the first book to make me wonder if it wasn’t really a sequel given a better title.

On the other hand, it does come with a CD and a tool which looks to be pretty cool, if I could get some professional time to play with it.

So buy the first book, How to Break Software, and apply its attacks to secure software. Buy this book if you’re really into it or if the company is buying it for you.

Books mentioned in this review:


 

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Book Report: RPG World Volume One by Ian Jones-Quartey (2004)

I am pretty sure I bought this book as part of a bag of books at the Webster Groves Book Fair. It doesn’t matter, really, but I know you really dote upon my books’ lineage, gentle reader, and I try to recreate it as accurately as I can for you.

The book collects a number of strips from an online comic, RPG World, and presents them, get this, in a hardback book. A graphic novel, if you will, from an online comic. How about that? Of course, I don’t really follow online comics much; I mean, I see the Cox and Forkum and Day by Day like any good conservative blog reader who, you know, reads blogs that have the strips or cartoons printed on them, but I don’t see the sites out. Heck, I don’t even follow Calico Monkey, even though it’s flashed by an acquaintance into whose debt I remain for setting me up with my current sweet gig.

But put it in a book? I am all on it!

The story follows the action of the characters in a video game for the PlayStation as they go about their quest and side quests and deal with the mechanics of the game. It’s an amusing conceit and is full of jokes available to those familiar with the genre. I liked the book and liked that it took me only a couple of hours to read it. Unfortunately, just because I read it doesn’t mean I’ll follow the online version of the comic. Because I’m a luddite enough that I have certain things I don’t tend to do, and follow comics online is one of them. But if I find another book of RPG World somewhere in the wild, I’ll pick it up.

Books mentioned in this review:


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Simple Answers for Stupid Questions

To tuck or not to tuck that is the question

“Most men want to wear the accepted norm, and for years that used to be khaki pants, a tucked blue shirt and black belt,” explains Gregg Andrews, a fashion director at Nordstrom.

Now, he says the uniform is premium jeans and a striped button-down shirt that is untucked.

Not in my world, mister. Do some sit-ups, by a real holster for your concealed carry needs, and tuck it in.

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Wherein Brian J. Strikes "Never" From His Libertarian Dictionary

Mehlville agency will seek lower tax rate:

The Mehlville Fire Protection District will propose yet another reduction in its property tax rate at next week’s tax rate hearing.

The Board of Directors will propose a tax rate of 69.8 cents per $100 assessed valuation for 2007, Chairman Aaron Hilmer said.

“The reason we lowered it even further than we originally intended was (that) as we looked at the amount of reserves that we had, they were just stunning . . . what we built up in the last 18 months,” Hilmer said. “This is in addition to building a new firehouse, buying a new fire truck, ordering another one, getting three new ambulances, new staff cars, upgrading medical, etcetera. So we looked and saw we were projecting eight to nine million dollars in reserves, in addition to new taxes we’re bringing in, and that’s why we decided to lower it even more.”

I’m writing in the name Aaron Hilmer for 3rd District Congressional Representative this year.

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Ask Dr. Creepy: Movie Stars As Inspiration

Dr. Creepy
Dear Doctor Creepy,
I’m trying to find creepy actors whose mannerisms–and creepy characters–I can use as inspiration for emulation in every day life. I like Edward Norton and really like Crispin Glover, especially for his role in
Williard. If I choose one to imitate for maximum creepiness, who should it be?

Signed,
Creeping 2 Creepy

Dear Creeping to Creepy,
For starters, you poser, do not use numbers for words; there is nothing creepy about Prince-hop.

Secondly, you’ve presented Dr. Creepy with a false dilemma in choosing between Norton and Glover. Both have their finer points as creepy character actors, but ultimately their other work will overshadow their best roles.

And although some might suspect that I favor Ronald Lacey, whereas I do hold the immortal Toht close to heart at all times, if I could have all junior weirdos out their emulate one frightening modern character actor, I would recommend David Patrick Kelly. The short, high-pitched actor commands attention and makes skin crawl in any motion picture in which he appears, from his role as Doyle in Last Man Standing to T-Bird in The Crow. Certainly, although Sam the Sleazeball appeared to reform in The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, did you really believe that the flower-toting, woman-defending fisticuffs were genuine and bound to last? I couldn’t. And his pièce de résistance remains the too-brief role of Sully in Commando.

Working his nonhandsomeness together with his diminutive height and high pitched voice (which sounds lispy, even when it’s not), Kelley combines pathetic with the fear that violence might erupt at any moment. My friends, that’s the essence of creepy, and no one has it like David Patrick Kelley.

Sincerely,
Dr. Creepy

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Said The Fat City Lawyer Cat

Hard to think how this could be taken pejoratively:

“This is a bunch of good kids from Fulton,” said Weiser’s lawyer, Carter Collins Law. “As far as I can tell, they’re a bunch of little country mice. And I don’t mean that in a … pejorative way at all,” she said.

From what children’s story book did this condescending attorney pluck did this particular bunch? The Little Country Mice Who Chewed Through MoneyGram International’s Wires Accidentally And Got a Lot of Cheese Nationwide?

I don’t know if I ever want an attorney defending me to try the Forrest Gump defense. I mean, who does this attorney think is more naive, her clients or anyone listening?

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To The Winners Go The Spoiling

Voters approve increasing license fees for businesses:

St. Louis voters approved an increase to the business license fee, dealing a victory to Mayor Francis Slay’s assault on crime.

And a victory to Francis Slay’s assault on companies located in the city limits.

How is this a victory in the assault on crime? Is Francis Slay’s opponents in this war on crime businesses? Giving the questionable government of the city of St. Louis more money to squander as it sees fit (and more money in the general fund for slush like sports commissions) doesn’t directly impact crime. But if the “assault on crime” is all about raising money, I guess I stand corrected and it is a victory.

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9th District Court of Appeals Defends Property Rights

Federal appeals court rules against workplace PC privacy:

If you think the Web sites you access on your workplace computer are nobody else’s business, think again.

That was the message today from the Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco, which upheld a Montana man’s conviction for receiving obscene material that his employer found on his computer during a late-night raid.

“Social norms suggest that employees are not entitled to privacy in the use of workplace computers, which belong to their employers and pose significant dangers in terms of diminished productivity and even employer liability,” said Judge Diarmuid O’Scannlain in the 3-0 ruling.

He said other courts have consistently ruled that employers are entitled to monitor their workers’ use of computers as long as they had disclosed that policy to their workforce.

Unlike some respected legal minds, I don’t think this is a defeat for privacy rights; instead, it’s a victory for property rights. Because even though some people would phrase it this way:

If you think the Web sites you access on your workplace computer are nobody else’s business, think again.

Because let’s not forget, it’s not your computer, it’s your employer’s. It’s not your Internet connection at work, it’s your employers. And anyone who would give you rights over that property which you don’t own takes rights away from the actual owner.

Apparently, this runs counter to established case law regarding searches and seizures and where arbitrary edges of the invented right to privacy lies. Friends, this strikes me, like much law does, as to arguing what sort of pin angels can dance upon. From the distant, forest sort of view, it doesn’t matter whether the gumdrop trees are green or blue because it’s still a candy forest in a child’s imagination. But I haven’t finished law school.

I suspect that throwing computers into the story has triggered automatic responses from the digitally-inclined libertarians amongst us. After all, information wants to be free, unless it wants to hide in the shadows of privacy’s billowing petticoats. Because it’s computers, it’s different and twenty-first century.

But it looks to me, simply, that once you’ve established that the employee has certain rights to use the employer’s facilities and materiel as the employee wants, we cannot stop easily at the compter namespace. No, the employee then should have certain privacy rights to be free from monitoring, from both the employer and the government, in other facilities or with other employer-provided mechanisms for communicating and productivity.

Conference rooms become cones of silence, in which you can conduct personal business without fear of eviction for actual meetings. Why not plan your family reunion? Letterhead and printed envelopes become diplomatic pouches, wherein you should expect everything you write, type, or print upon them to be private, for the addressee only. Don’t forget the 900 numbers on your phone system. The Man blocking them surely infringes upon your privacy and its emanated right to a psychic reading.

No, the 9th District here accidentally protected the rights of property holders from those who would virtually squat upon those items. Regardless of search, seizure, or illegal activity, the computers belong to the employers, and the employees have no right to their network connections, memory, or hard disk space for personal use.

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A Metaphor I Could Have Lived Without

Bryan Burwell of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch writes of Floyd Landis:

His lies are so bad that they remind me of my dearly departed grandmother who used to blame her flatulence on our aging cocker spaniel, even though the foul aroma was wafting directly from her flowery frock.

So the Liar King Landis tries to ignore the foul smell of guilt wafting all around him and blame it on everybody and everything but my lovable dead dog.

Burwell is purportedly a professional writer. Can we just nominate him for the Pulitzer, nay, the Nobel Prize for Literature! right now?

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Milwaukee Admirals Celebrate Halloween Every Day

The Milwaukee Admirals have a new look and a new logo, and it’s goofy:

In conjunction with its new slogan “Never say die,” which has been teasing local billboard readers for the past month, the Admirals introduced the new logo: the admiral of a ghost ship. A pirate explained to the crowd that the admiral had been at the bottom of Lake Michigan for the past 20 years and that this was what was left of him.

The new logo is quite a bit edgier than the last logo of the salty seaman admiral. The new admiral, designed by Joe Locher of Yes Men of Milwaukee, is a skull with a black admiral’s cap with ice blue trim.

The team’s new colors will be black, ice blue and silver, replacing the old red, white and blue. “We wanted to do something that would be really popular with the younger crowd,” Locher said. “We wanted to avoid the idea of a trendy logo, yet we wanted to tie it in to the heritage of the team to have it make more sense.”

Yeah, a skeleton logo in black, white, and ice blue. That’ll impress the kids these days. What, did they think they weren’t selling enough merchandise to the gangbanger crowd that flocks to Raiders apparel?

Plus, let’s just savor that insight from the marketing man again:

“We wanted to do something that would be really popular with the younger crowd,” Locher said. “We wanted to avoid the idea of a trendy logo, yet we wanted to tie it in to the heritage of the team to have it make more sense.”

Avoiding a trendy logo yet tying it into the heritage of the team.

Obviously, this fellow’s skill lies with imagery, and not expressing cohesive concepts in language.

(Link seen a while back on The American Mind.)

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Is It That Time Already?

In April, I sent a letter cancelling my subscription to Reader’s Digest’s The World’s Best Reading series of classic literature editions.

It must be the beginning of the month, because I’ve got another invoice for a book whose shipment I refused. I’ll have to drop another letter in the mail saying I won’t pay this invoice, either, since I freaking cancelled five months ago.

Reader’s Digest Association: It’s Like AOL from the Ninteenth Century.

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Sherman Parker Arrest Complete Statement

Sherman Parker or someone at his campaign has sent me the complete statement he issued after his recent arrest:

Below is the fulll text of a statement I sent to the Post Dispatch regarding the story that is in today’s (Saturday) paper about my unfortunate incident this week:

On Monday, July 31, 2006, after erecting campaign signs in St. Charles County, I was pulled over on Highway 40 and detained by a Missouri State Highway trooper. I was not initially stopped for a traffic violation or any violation of the law. I did not receive a ticket for this stop. After checking my driving record, the trooper later determined that a bench warrant had been issued for my arrest for missing a court date for a speeding violation in Chesterfield.

I had previously written the court a letter requesting to reschedule my court date since this date was during the legislative session. In the course of the ensuing weeks, with the session winding down and attempting to get my congressional campaign into full gear, I neglected to follow up with the court, and thus a bench warrant was issued without my knowledge. Prior to this incident, I had never been arrested by any law enforcement officer anywhere.

At the present time, all my fines have been paid, and I now want to put this embarrassing matter behind me. I apologize and I understand, that as an elected official, no one person is above the law. I must strive everyday to set a higher example. I very much regret that this incident may detract, in these last few days, from the issues I have been stressing in this campaign such as: improving healthcare, economic development, and the rising cost of energy.

As I’d hoped, it’s straightforward and doesn’t avoid blame for a procedural error leading to his bench warrant and doesn’t go off on the cop who arrested him. No indignation, no racial overtones, just a statement about what happened.

On a side note, aren’t bench warrants neat things? Personally, I wonder sometimes if there’s a bench warrant out for me. I mean, a speed zone or red light camera ticket mailed to the wrong address, and suddenly I could be calling my wife to bail me out of jail. One wonders if this is a good mechanism for minor law enforcement, but then again, if one is like this one (me), one knows that it’s not about law enforcement as getting revenue and asserting authority.

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Book Report: The World’s Most Infamous Crimes and Criminals (1987)

I’m not even sure any more where I bought this book. It clocks in at over 700 pages, friends, and it took me almost three weeks to read. As a matter of fact, I had to take a break in the middle of it to read I Ought To Be In Pictures when I was getting depressed from all the stories of murder and mayhem.

First off, I’d like to say that this collection is one of the most poorly edited and produced books I’ve come across in some time. A cheap edition published in Great Britain, this book features gritty paper, a cover that’s close enough to a pizza box in quality to merit the comparison, pages cut by a dull blade, and partially washed out ink in many places. Additionally, the editing job was poor; many sidebar two-paragraph anecdotes inserted to break up sections actually retold the stories of incidents and crimes told elsewhere in the book. In the case of Black Bart, an old West stagecoach robber, he has his own named section in one chapter and, later in the chapter, is recounted as a part of a section about the most notorious Western robbers. By “is recounted,” I mean the same seven or eight paragraphs appear twice in the same chapter, separated by only a handful of pages. This book definitely doesn’t represent an academic or thoughtful work in any sense of the imagination. It’s completely a case of slapping together a large number of pruriently-interesting things and hoping to make as much from them as possible.

Still, it contains quite the compendium of famous, infamous, and trivial crimes of murder, genocide, fraud, theivery, and whatnot. The first couple hundred pages focus on mass murderers and genocidal tyrants, which led to my distaste to which I alluded. It did, however, give me a little historical perspective on the “disproportionate” and violent doings of the Western military, particularly the American and Israeli militaries, in the last 100 years. I mean, come on, the Huns and the Khans and the Ottomans were capable of real genocide, not having small units go nuts or ordnance going errant. When we lose perspective on what animal mankind really is, I guess it’s easy to think that our civilization isn’t better than the worst man has to offer.

Is the book a worthwhile read? Well, if you’re looking for macabre trivia–and who isn’t? But take plenty of breaks to retain your perspective that all of mankind isn’t like this book depicts.

Books mentioned in this review:


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