Emancipations from Proclamations

Thanks to a pinko reader for sending us an enlightening e-mail:

Follow the link to the Snopes page, and you’ll find that George W. Bush, as governor of the state of Texas, issued a proclamation that made June 10, 2000, Jesus Day in Texas. This, I guess, is supposed to illustrate that George W. Bush is a religious zealot, and that by electing a person who sincerely espouses a religion to elective office, we can expect to get someone who acts according to higher ideals. You know, convictions. So be it.

But tying Bush to this single proclamation is a red herring and not really an argument in that favor. George W. Bush issued numerous proclamations when he was governor; that’s what governors do, at least it’s the least harmful thing governors do. Personally, I’d rather they issue useless proclamations every day instead of politicking and spending tax money. But what do I know? I am just a voter in the minority.

Here’s a running tally of other groups to whom George Bush is beholden, as illuminated by the proclamations he issued:

So you can see that the Governor’s mansion, and probably the White House, have a whole wing of highly-paid professionals who do nothing for 30 hours a week but to turn out these proclamations for someone to stamp the executive’s signature on. To call Bush a religious nut or to think that the proclamation for Jesus Day is out of the ordinary, establishing a state church which will begin pogroms against other faiths or to even indicate that there’s a morality above the Government is Good creed is asininine. (Sorry, that particular word is a little like banana to me.)

If you want to elevate one of these trivialities as a wedge issue, why not start printing the bumper stickers that say:

President Bush:
Weak on French Week, Weak on Terror

To be honest, there’s only one trivial ceremonial issue that could make me vote for someone other than Bush this election. As a meat eater and a proponent of capital punishment, I am greatly bothered that this president, like his predecessors, pardons the damn turkey every Thanksgiving. It sends a bad message to America, that it’s bad to kill something to eat, and that you can pardon animals like you pardon criminals. You want to know who I will vote for instead of Bush?

I will vote for the candidate who promises to whack the turkey, particularly if he (or she) will do it himself (herself) with a hatchet and a tree stump. I will even send money to a candidate who plucks the turkey and eats it himself. That’s an American president. Also, I like turkey.

Things You Wished I Hadn’t Made You Think Of

Gollum singing Parliament’s “Tear The Roof Off The Sucker (Give Up The Funk)“:


Yessss, wes wantses the funk
Gives us the funk
Yesss, we needses the funk
Wes gotta haves that funk

Face it. In one fell swoop, I have infected your mind with the song and have possibly ruined the song for you forever.

No need to thank me, it’s part of the community service portion of my sentence for Missouri State Statute Section 574.010, Grand Lack of Funk in the Second Degree.

A Converse to the DYKWIA Syndrome

John Kerry visited St. Louis this weekend. His campaign managed to offend the largest radio station in the area and 50,000 watts’ worth of a listening area spread across the Midwest by not granting interviews to mere radio reporters (television only, thanks) and by not even knowing who KMOX was. KMOX has been banging this drum all morning and has this on its Web site:

    Kerry Aide: What’s KMOX?
    March 27, 2004
    Reporter barred from interview

    The John Kerry campaign came to St. Louis Saturday evening. . .and seemed a bit confused. The Democratic hopeful appeared at a tightly-guarded rally in Forest Park to talk about his plan to create jobs. KMOX Reporter Molly Hyland was on the scene but found Kerry campaign aides had decided that only television reporters could interview the candidate. Kerry’s campaign aide said she had never heard of KMOX and would not allow an interview. The Kerry campaign did arrange for the senator to call KMOX by phone earlier in the day. . .but that, too, fell through. The call never came. Saturday night, the Kerry campaign phone lines were closed; its spokesmen out of reach.

Good work, Kerry. You’re really connecting with the little man in the West Mid, or whatever the quaint residents call that desolate prairie between the coasts.

KMOX also mentioned on the air that the audience jeered the aides and the Secret Service whenever they asked who KMOX was and what kind of radio station it is. It’s the biggest radio station in the market. It has been for decades. Thanks for stopping by in your layover between real work.

Undoubtedly, people will point out that this is only the ill will generation of a single campaign staffer, but I have to pose two rhetorical questions about the Kerry campaign from this tidbit:

  1. What does it say about the campaign that the event was controlled by imported help? Didn’t they have any local support to organize the thing?
  2. So, Kerry’s aides don’t research enough to know what KMOX was. These are the incompetents running his campaign. If Kerry is elected, will these be the same people strumming the delicate strings of national power?

Well, Court TV Is On Cable:

Unfortunate headline of the day, from FoxNews.Com yesterday:

FoxNews Headline

Kobe Lawyers Want Sex In Trial

Here’s the interactive part of the blog–you get to make your own jokes.

Journalism Schools Need More Math Classes

Here’s an Associated Press story for you: Consumers rein in their spending. The online version doesn’t carry the subtitle the print version does, but the lead drives the message home:

    WASHINGTON – Consumers, a key force shaping the nation’s economic recovery, grew more restrained in February, increasing their spending by only 0.2 percent.

These are the same people who say that a slower increase in government spending is a cut.

I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t trust a reporter to tally a split check at a restaurant, much less explain the world or commerce to me.

Duh-Nuh-Nuh-Nuh-Nuh – AU-GU-RY!

Note: I’d apologize for the title, but Metallica should know better. Any time a musician creates a song wherein a single word is presented independently and uniquely, the musician should expect people to use any other word with the same number of syllables in its place to make a relevant song about an occasion. “Battery” is one such song. “Goldfinger” is another, but not applicable in this case. Thank you. That is all.

So I got a rejection slip from a major east coast magazine yesterday. I won’t say which magazine; suffice to say the name is body of water + period of time. So I opened the self-addressed, stamped envelope postmarked Boston, Massachusetts, and I got the (new) stock rejection.

The envelope contained a new rejection slip — a different typeface and whatnot, so it’s new to my rejection slip collection, as well as my submission, a poem. If you think that makes me a wuss, you’re wrong; the fact that I own cats makes me the wuss. The poetry-writing only reinforces the felinity. How do you feel now, big man, now that you have reduced me to shameful tears?

However, my returned poem bore two interesting marks: a single hole, which would indicate a thumb tack (an even number of holes might indicate staples, and numerous holes might indicate dartboard, but a single hole is a thumb tack, definitely) and a lowercase v above the title.

Is it a good sign, that maybe it just missed the cut? A sign that an intern liked it and tacked it in his or her cubicle before returning it? What do these entrails mean?

I mean, aside from the fact that I now have to send a fresh copy of the piece to a different, as-yet-undetermined target and have to spend another $.74 on the damn thing.

Duh-Nuh-Nuh-Nuh-Nuh – AU-GU-RY!

Note: I’d apologize for the title, but Metallica should know better. Any time a musician creates a song wherein a single word is presented independently and uniquely, the musician should expect people to use any other word with the same number of syllables in its place to make a relevant song about an occasion. “Battery” is one such song. “Goldfinger” is another, but not applicable in this case. Thank you. That is all.

So I got a rejection slip from a major east coast magazine yesterday. I won’t say which magazine; suffice to say the name is body of water + period of time. So I opened the self-addressed, stamped envelope postmarked Boston, Massachusetts, and I got the (new) stock rejection.

The envelope contained a new rejection slip — a different typeface and whatnot, so it’s new to my rejection slip collection, as well as my submission, a poem. If you think that makes me a wuss, you’re wrong; the fact that I own cats makes me the wuss. The poetry-writing only reinforces the felinity. How do you feel now, big man, now that you have reduced me to shameful tears?

However, my returned poem bore two interesting marks: a single hole, which would indicate a thumb tack (an even number of holes might indicate staples, and numerous holes might indicate dartboard, but a single hole is a thumb tack, definitely) and a lowercase v above the title.

Is it a good sign, that maybe it just missed the cut? A sign that an intern liked it and tacked it in his or her cubicle before returning it? What do these entrails mean?

I mean, aside from the fact that I now have to send a fresh copy of the piece to a different, as-yet-undetermined target and have to spend another $.74 on the damn thing.

Newt’s Fighting Words

Newt Gingrich wrote an op-ed for the Washington Post outlining a GOP strategy for job creation. His basic premise:

    The Democrats think they’ve found the perfect one-sided debate by presenting themselves as the party that opposes “outsourcing” of American jobs. They hope the Republican Party will be dumb enough to take the bait and be the side that favors outsourcing.

    That kind of binary argument, in which the Republicans take the role of defending the loss of jobs overseas, would be a dead loser for the GOP. Republicans must set up a new, winning argument by focusing not on the loss of old jobs but on the creation of new ones.

Sounds good, until he issues the fighting words:

    Republicans, therefore, should insist, as President Bush has, that real economic growth depends on the right tax incentives and litigation reform to create even more investment, so that the next multinational company will choose the United States as the place to open a new location or headquarters.

He better mean lowering taxes across the board and not just lowering taxes for big corporations who will continue to play municipalities against municipalities, states against states, and nations against nations, each individual corporation sticking up the taxpayers for subsidies and corporate welfare to provide a pittance of jobs which the rest of the smaller companies and individual entrepreneurs in the area will pay for.

No, wait, he’s a former politician. Of course he means the latter.

Optimism Until the Fine Print

What’s not to like about the headline and lead for this St. Louis Post-Dispatch column?

    Buyer’s vision is 100 apartments for Pet Building

    It’s happening. Mothballed for months, downtown’s distinctive Pet Building has a buyer – and a metamorphosis in the works. Balke Brown Associates has the property under contract.

    Sale terms are not public, but here’s the vision: to turn the 15-story office building into 100 apartments for an estimated $30 million.

Yay, team! Go development! Build! Build! Capitalism, rah!

Until the dreaded Fine Print strikes:

    The hurdle – and it’s a big one, says Land – is securing the state and federal historic tax credits to make the deal work.

Never mind. It’s not capitalism–it’s crony capitalism. Any company that can even conceive of buying a property for $30 million dollars should not count on sucking from the government teat, and I mean should not count on my personal tax contribution to make it work.

Who died and made you Suharto?

Libertarianism Stops at the Water’s Edge

I guess we’ve uncovered another reason why I, just like the d-42 guy, only scored a 66 on the Libertarian Purity Test: I am all in favor of legalizing most things, but I’ll be damned if some international body is going to force it on my country.

Slashdot links to a story in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer about the World Trade Organization deciding that the United States is violating international trade laws by banning Internet gambling:

    The World Trade Organization, in its first decision on an Internet-related dispute, has ignited a political, cultural and legal tinderbox by ruling that the U.S. policy prohibiting online gambling violates its obligations under international trade law.

    The ruling by a WTO panel Wednesday is being hailed by online casinos operators overseas as a major victory that could force the United States to liberalize its laws.

    But the Bush administration vowed to appeal the decision, and several members of Congress said they would rather have an international trade war or withdraw from future rounds of the World Trade Organization than have American social policy dictated from abroad.

    “It’s appalling,” said Rep. Bob Goodlatte, R-Va. “It cannot be allowed to stand that another nation can impose its values on the U.S. and make it a trade issue.”

    The decision stems from a case taken to the WTO in June by the island nation of Antigua and Barbuda, which licenses 19 companies that offer sports betting and casino games such as blackjack over the Internet.

    Antigua and Barbuda argued that U.S. trade policy does not prohibit cross-border gambling operations and that the United States would be hypocritical to do otherwise because it wants to allow American casino operations to operate land-based and Internet-based subsidiaries overseas.

    It is not clear precisely why the WTO ruled in favor of Antigua and Barbuda, because the specifics remain confidential. The ruling covers only online casinos based on the islands, but other nations could seek similar rulings.

Cheez, Luis, this makes me want to put on a black ski mask, go to Washington state, and heave a brick through a Starbucks window. So the NWO World Trade Order gets to overwrite the laws of its members now, and to force them to trade in things its members have deemed illegal?

I tell you what, I will support this decision as soon as the WTO forces Smith and Wesson shops in interior China and opens Saudia Arabia to America’s pork industry. Until that time, the WTO can stick to doing what it does best, which is…um….making bureacrats fatter.

On another note, we at MfBJN have created a pool to determine when regime change will occur in Anitgua and Barbuda. What the heck, who needs regime change? I say Antigua for us and Barbuda for our Canadian friends who so lust for a Caribbean paradise. Let the partitioning begin!

Rinsing with Ronin

Sorry for the late start, dear reader, but tonight my beautiful wife and I watched a movie together. We watched Charlie’s Angels Full Throttle. Yeeks. It was not like watching a video game, it was like watching the demo mode teaser for a video game. In love with its own mojo, and utterly incapable of any suspense or viewer buy-in.

So of course I had to rinse the taste out of my mouth, and I did so successfully with Ronin. Ahhhhh. Jean Reno. Robert DeNiro. Masculinity and stoicism recharged.

Speaking of which, IMDb indicates that Reno has a house in Paris and a house in Los Angeles, and that he actually lives in France part of the year. I don’t know what sort of Persephone relationship he has with France, but can’t we liberate him somehow and make him an American citizen? He deserves it. The dude is tough.

Newt’s Fighting Words

Newt Gingrich wrote an op-ed for the Washington Post outlining a GOP strategy for job creation. His basic premise:

    The Democrats think they’ve found the perfect one-sided debate by presenting themselves as the party that opposes “outsourcing” of American jobs. They hope the Republican Party will be dumb enough to take the bait and be the side that favors outsourcing.

    That kind of binary argument, in which the Republicans take the role of defending the loss of jobs overseas, would be a dead loser for the GOP. Republicans must set up a new, winning argument by focusing not on the loss of old jobs but on the creation of new ones.

Sounds good, until he issues the fighting words:

    Republicans, therefore, should insist, as President Bush has, that real economic growth depends on the right tax incentives and litigation reform to create even more investment, so that the next multinational company will choose the United States as the place to open a new location or headquarters.

He better mean lowering taxes across the board and not just lowering taxes for big corporations who will continue to play municipalities against municipalities, states against states, and nations against nations, each individual corporation sticking up the taxpayers for subsidies and corporate welfare to provide a pittance of jobs which the rest of the smaller companies and individual entrepreneurs in the area will pay for.

No, wait, he’s a former politician. Of course he means the latter.

Optimism Until the Fine Print

What’s not to like about the headline and lead for this St. Louis Post-Dispatch column?

    Buyer’s vision is 100 apartments for Pet Building

    It’s happening. Mothballed for months, downtown’s distinctive Pet Building has a buyer – and a metamorphosis in the works. Balke Brown Associates has the property under contract.

    Sale terms are not public, but here’s the vision: to turn the 15-story office building into 100 apartments for an estimated $30 million.

Yay, team! Go development! Build! Build! Capitalism, rah!

Until the dreaded Fine Print strikes:

    The hurdle – and it’s a big one, says Land – is securing the state and federal historic tax credits to make the deal work.

Never mind. It’s not capitalism–it’s crony capitalism. Any company that can even conceive of buying a property for $30 million dollars should not count on sucking from the government teat, and I mean should not count on my personal tax contribution to make it work.

Who died and made you Suharto?

Libertarianism Stops at the Water’s Edge

I guess we’ve uncovered another reason why I, just like the d-42 guy, only scored a 66 on the Libertarian Purity Test: I am all in favor of legalizing most things, but I’ll be damned if some international body is going to force it on my country.

Slashdot links to a story in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer about the World Trade Organization deciding that the United States is violating international trade laws by banning Internet gambling:

    The World Trade Organization, in its first decision on an Internet-related dispute, has ignited a political, cultural and legal tinderbox by ruling that the U.S. policy prohibiting online gambling violates its obligations under international trade law.

    The ruling by a WTO panel Wednesday is being hailed by online casinos operators overseas as a major victory that could force the United States to liberalize its laws.

    But the Bush administration vowed to appeal the decision, and several members of Congress said they would rather have an international trade war or withdraw from future rounds of the World Trade Organization than have American social policy dictated from abroad.

    “It’s appalling,” said Rep. Bob Goodlatte, R-Va. “It cannot be allowed to stand that another nation can impose its values on the U.S. and make it a trade issue.”

    The decision stems from a case taken to the WTO in June by the island nation of Antigua and Barbuda, which licenses 19 companies that offer sports betting and casino games such as blackjack over the Internet.

    Antigua and Barbuda argued that U.S. trade policy does not prohibit cross-border gambling operations and that the United States would be hypocritical to do otherwise because it wants to allow American casino operations to operate land-based and Internet-based subsidiaries overseas.

    It is not clear precisely why the WTO ruled in favor of Antigua and Barbuda, because the specifics remain confidential. The ruling covers only online casinos based on the islands, but other nations could seek similar rulings.

Cheez, Luis, this makes me want to put on a black ski mask, go to Washington state, and heave a brick through a Starbucks window. So the NWO World Trade Order gets to overwrite the laws of its members now, and to force them to trade in things its members have deemed illegal?

I tell you what, I will support this decision as soon as the WTO forces Smith and Wesson shops in interior China and opens Saudia Arabia to America’s pork industry. Until that time, the WTO can stick to doing what it does best, which is…um….making bureacrats fatter.

On another note, we at MfBJN have created a pool to determine when regime change will occur in Anitgua and Barbuda. What the heck, who needs regime change? I say Antigua for us and Barbuda for our Canadian friends who so lust for a Caribbean paradise. Let the partitioning begin!

Rinsing with Ronin

Sorry for the late start, dear reader, but tonight my beautiful wife and I watched a movie together. We watched Charlie’s Angels Full Throttle. Yeeks. It was not like watching a video game, it was like watching the demo mode teaser for a video game. In love with its own mojo, and utterly incapable of any suspense or viewer buy-in.

So of course I had to rinse the taste out of my mouth, and I did so successfully with Ronin. Ahhhhh. Jean Reno. Robert DeNiro. Masculinity and stoicism recharged.

Speaking of which, IMDb indicates that Reno has a house in Paris and a house in Los Angeles, and that he actually lives in France part of the year. I don’t know what sort of Persephone relationship he has with France, but can’t we liberate him somehow and make him an American citizen? He deserves it. The dude is tough.

Hardware or Software?

Techdirt links to a story about a guy getting charged for putting a keystroke logger on a computer where he worked. Mike at Techdirt says this:

    The interesting thing, though, is the only way they caught him was because he was fired from the company and asked another employee to remove the keystroke logger. In other words, it wasn’t any real detective work, but him telling someone. This means, if he hadn’t mentioned it, it’s likely this would have continued and no one would have noticed. It seems likely that things like keystroke loggers are becoming increasingly popular for those involved with corporate espionage – but it doesn’t seem like most companies do much to check if their computers are clean from such programs. [Emphasis mine]

Mike’s making an assumption, though. Here’s the text from the story:

    A California man who prosecutors say planted an electronic bugging device on a computer at an insurance company was indicted on Tuesday on federal wiretapping charges in what prosecutors said was the first case of its kind.

    Larry Lee Ropp, a 46-year-old former insurance claims manager, is the first defendant charged with a federal crime for using a “keystroke logger,” which tracks the activities on a computer and feeds the information back to its owner, a spokesman for the U.S. Attorney’s Office in Los Angeles said.

Sounds like a hardware keystroke logger to me. What, you don’t know what a hardware keystroke logger is? Of course not, you’re not the Shidoshi of Paranoia. A hardware keystroke logger plugs in between the keyboard and the keyboard socket on the back of the PC. It looks like an adapter, but it’s got memory on it. Whatever you type goes into the memory and then to the computer, too. Bad guy comes along later, unplugs it, plugs it in on his computer, uses an escape key sequence, and copies the log onto his computer. You don’t have to break into the ‘hacked’ system to get it, and there are no software gotchas to deal with.

Also, it would explain why he needed someone to remove it from the PC, wot? Hey, buddy, just unplug my adapter I loaned to the secretary.

Learn your lesson, my students. Always look at the back of the PC before you start typing. I do.

Hardware or Software?

Techdirt links to a story about a guy getting charged for putting a keystroke logger on a computer where he worked. Mike at Techdirt says this:

    The interesting thing, though, is the only way they caught him was because he was fired from the company and asked another employee to remove the keystroke logger. In other words, it wasn’t any real detective work, but him telling someone. This means, if he hadn’t mentioned it, it’s likely this would have continued and no one would have noticed. It seems likely that things like keystroke loggers are becoming increasingly popular for those involved with corporate espionage – but it doesn’t seem like most companies do much to check if their computers are clean from such programs. [Emphasis mine]

Mike’s making an assumption, though. Here’s the text from the story:

    A California man who prosecutors say planted an electronic bugging device on a computer at an insurance company was indicted on Tuesday on federal wiretapping charges in what prosecutors said was the first case of its kind.

    Larry Lee Ropp, a 46-year-old former insurance claims manager, is the first defendant charged with a federal crime for using a “keystroke logger,” which tracks the activities on a computer and feeds the information back to its owner, a spokesman for the U.S. Attorney’s Office in Los Angeles said.

Sounds like a hardware keystroke logger to me. What, you don’t know what a hardware keystroke logger is? Of course not, you’re not the Shidoshi of Paranoia. A hardware keystroke logger plugs in between the keyboard and the keyboard socket on the back of the PC. It looks like an adapter, but it’s got memory on it. Whatever you type goes into the memory and then to the computer, too. Bad guy comes along later, unplugs it, plugs it in on his computer, uses an escape key sequence, and copies the log onto his computer. You don’t have to break into the ‘hacked’ system to get it, and there are no software gotchas to deal with.

Also, it would explain why he needed someone to remove it from the PC, wot? Hey, buddy, just unplug my adapter I loaned to the secretary.

Learn your lesson, my students. Always look at the back of the PC before you start typing. I do.

Try Again, Senator

Medicare’s going to run out of money by 2019, its trustees report. And as the sun sets, the whooperwill start shrieking out for the soul of the departing entitlement; only they’re understandably chirping at Bush:

    In a conference call with reporters arranged by the campaign of presumptive Democratic nominee John Kerry, Democratic Sen. Dick Durbin of Illinois blamed the Bush administration and its Medicare prescription drug bill for Medicare’s shortened solvency.

    ‘The Clinton administration and Democrats believed save Medicare first,’ Durbin said. ‘The Bush approach is save the special interests first. … This is not just about Medicare. It’s about the credibility of the Bush administration.’

So you see, Bush and our revered leaders have voted to add a drug benefit which redistributes wealth from workers to retirees, thus accelerating the decline of the entitlement. And Durbin cheeps about special interests.

You win, Senator. The elderly who receive more something for nothing are now a special interest. Those of us funding the free ride are a special interest. We, the citizens and electorate, are nothing but special interests fighting each other for your privileged dispensation or disbursement.