Over at Signifying Nothing, Chris Lawrence takes Clay Aikens to task for his song “Invisible”. Lawrence decries the lack of subjunctive voice in the following:
If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invincible
I’d make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I could just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait… I already am)
Dudes, that’s the second scariest song in the universe next to “Iris“. Let’s just break this down:
- If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
He’s a voyeur, peeping Tom, or valued x10 customer. - If I was invincible
I’d make you mine tonight
Okay, wait a minute. If he were invincible, then he would make you his tonight. You’ve got no choice, he’s invincible, just lie back and enjoy it. Fellows, that’s called rape, and that’s what the word means. Not patting a reluctant fanny. Getting made his by Mr. Invincible, yes. - If hearts were unbreakable
Then I could just tell you where I stand
Hearts were unbreakable? You mean if handcuffs were not so confining and the hoods of police cars such unyielding headrests, don’t you? If you mentioned where you stand, that would be yet one more restraining order in your collection, wot? - I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait… I already am)
The final assertion is the scariest. If he were invisible, he would be watching you in your room tonight. And he admits that he is! Draw the blinds, turn on some running water and a couple of radios, and stop down at the sporting goods store tomorrow for a nice shotgun for when he gets it in his head that he’s invincible.
And they say that video games make people violent. This song is a veritable roadmap to stalking. All the lyrics need is a reference to Google, and all the pieces would be in place.
