You Can’t Hang A Picture on AWOL

I am surprised that that one Bears fan hasn’t written about this Fox news story:

The U.S. Army declared medic Spec. Simone Holcomb AWOL for refusing to return to her duties in Iraq because of a family emergency, threatening her with a dishonorable discharge or even a court martial.

Holcomb, whose husband is also in the military as a tank commander, had to rush home to care for their seven children. Her mother-in-law had been taking care of the family, but had to leave Colorado suddenly when her father-in-law fell ill with cancer.

But the Army wasn’t too sympathetic, slapping Holcomb with the AWOL label and later deactivating her and reassigning her to the Colorado National Guard (search). She is considering taking legal action to be reinstated as a full-time soldier.

Let’s see, she went absent without leave, and she’s upset for being disciplined for going AWOL? And now she’s going to sue to get back into the army? Goodness gracious, that’s improper.

I understand she had extenuating circumstances, but she broke the rules.

And if she does try some nutbar legal maneuver, heaven forfend if some civilian court gets its dominion over the military. Forget liquor and guns. I will have to change my investment strategy to burkas and guns to prepare for the eventual destruction of our way of life.

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When Is Not Breaking The Law Illegal?

When the man wants to charge you with something! Yes, it’s more money laundering madness, this time with Rush Limbaugh in the sights of prosecutors.

You see, financial institutions have to report if you make transactions of $10,000 or more because you’re automatically suspected of dealing drugs if you have that kind of money. So Rush took out money in $9,900 amounts–and now he might be on the hook for money laundering.

Avoiding the law is breaking the law! You only oppose the inconsistency if you have something to hide, Citizen. Your papers, please?

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Unleashing the Inner Animal (II)

The Meatriarchy Guy leads me on a voyage of self-discovery, which tells me instead I am:

monkey
Your soul is bound to the Fifth Totem, Homid:
The Monkey
.

Homid appears as a viridian monkey. He embodies
intelligence, potential, understanding, and
skill
. He is associated with the color
viridian, the season of spring, and the element
of fire. His downfall is pretentiousness.

You are most compatible with Owls and Tortoises.

Which Animal Spirit Totem Are You?
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Probably more like it.

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A Little Pat of Butter and Some Cherry Syrup On Top

So Suffolk County, New York, finally got their woman. According to this New York Post story, the alleged madam ran a chain of massage parlors, and now they’re throwing the encyclepedias at her. In addition to two counts of promoting prostitution, she got:

Clifford said Kim, who had herself been busted twice for prostitution, was charged with money laundering because she would invest her ill-gotten gains back into her massage parlors.

What, nothing else? Didn’t she stub out a cigarette on the sidewalk and get some hazardous waste or attempted arson charge?

Quick, someone call a legislator who needs to get tough on crime! We need someone brave enough to realize that if spending illicit proceeds on illegal activity is good to tack onto other charges, our prosecutors need more pancakes to stack on top, such as the following”

  • Getting money through illegal activity.
  • Spending money made through illegal activity.
  • Laying waste your powers with illegal activity.
  • Having stuff bought with money made illegally.
  • Using stuff bought with money made illegally.
  • Eating food bought with money made illegally.
  • Having money that was once earned illegally.

Because remember, the prosecution engineers DAs will only use these creative railroading charging techniques to hound the bad people.

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Oxymoron of the Day

Courtesy of FoxNews.Com, we have this description of Paris Hilton:

“I feel embarrassed and humiliated, especially because my parents and the people who love me have been hurt,” the socialite and reality TV actress said Monday in a statement to The Associated Press.

Reality TV Actress. It’s not just a job, it’s a paradox.

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Not Anymore

If this story was true about the United States putting its troops under international command in Iraq (which I really want to doubt entirely), I hope it became untrue when the EU apparatchiks started flapping their gums:

The United States accepts that to avoid humiliating failure in Iraq it needs to bring its forces quickly under international control and speed the handover of power, Javier Solana, the European Union foreign policy chief, has said.

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Compare/Contrast Paper Assignment

Class, compare and contrast the following essays/columns:

  • Kim du Toit’s The Pussification Of The Western Male, which details how the modern American male is shackled and coddled by the State and society into a “civilized” passive consumer.
  • Val MacQueen’s Tech Central Station column A New Stockholm Syndrome, which explores how Swedish society has become so passive that citizens stand idly by while a leading political figure is stabbed to death in a mall.

As long as the number of points of contrast outnumber the comparisons, we’re okay. But I suspect the gap is shrinking.

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Memo to Kerry Campaign: Fire Riverfront Media/GMMB & SDD

Andrew Sullivan links to a gushing review of a John Kerry ad that attempts to turn George W. Bush’s carrier landing into a slam against the president. Here’s how the blank Slaters describe the ad and infer its meaning:

The second shot is Bush, in the infamous shot after he landed on the deck of the carrier, dressed in an olive-drab flight suit (military garb and straps were in last season) with a helmet tucked under his arm. The ad suggests that this was a phony costume to go with the false label on the big ship. Bush had no right to wear military garb, because he never served in the real military, only in the Texas Air National Guard, which kept him far from Vietnam. This juxtaposition is a page out of the Bush family’s own political playbook: It’s Michael Dukakis playing soldier in a tank.

The National Guard is not the real military?

A damn fine sentiment to express when National Guardsmen are dying the same as “real” military men in Iraq.

I blame the yahoos at Slate (Jacob Weisberg wrote the particular assertion) first, but damn Senator Kerry, too, and anyone, active military or not, for casting aspertions on anyone who served.

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I Feel Pretty

At The Patriette‘s counsel, I looked inward, and discovered who I truly am:

You're Perfect ^^
-Perfect- You’re the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you’re rare or that you cheated :P You’re
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend’s friends and be silly. You don’t
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You’re just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
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You’re Forgetting One Thing, Goldraker

MGM’s releasing three DVDs containing 20 James Bond Films, and look how they’re marketing it:

James Bond advertisement

You’re forgetting one thing, Goldraker: It cannot be the entire James Bond collection without Never Say Never Again!

But you don’t own that movie, do you, and it’s a stain on your ego to this day!

I’d also advise against your henchmen visiting Web sites while on the clock. They might find them to be exceptional time wasters, and we don’t want them to get the short haircut for disobedience, do we?

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