I don’t know what havoc the police thought this 94-year-old jogger was seeking, but they got right to the bottom of it. Turns out she had not garrotted the night orderly with a jump rope, flailed the nursing supervisor with an un-Velcroed one pound ankle weight, and choked the nursing home warden by feeding him his enterprise’s own Ensure in her Buy-It-Now for freedom and the start of a new crime spree.
Nope, she was just jogging.
But you can never be too careful.
To alleviate any confusion, and to put our municipal authorities at ease, I shall remain in the recliner. Thank you, that is all.
